Well I Tried

It’s been a couple of days since I last relaxed.

It may have been weeks or years.

I wish I could go back to being blind, deaf, and uncaring, but the scum of the earth has only made me muted.

To be the inconsiderate norm, drowning in my own sense of importance and bubbling up a delusion of magnificence with my ego. In that bubble I no longer drown but float.

Sucking in and on all the fleshy pleasures, big tits and medium-rare steaks included.

Searching for cheap laughs with the easily replaceable friends. We would have a great time as long as we pretend the same way.

Synthesizing transient joys.

But it’s just me and my senses and a trembling heart.

I’ve forgiven so much already, but there are more to forgive, more to forget, more to release.

Humans are worms in disguise. Living in swarms, crawling over each other, eating up the dirt (and eachother).

They’ll do anything to not be lonely, soft, and stupid.

What can I do here? What can I do there? I fail to see the point of existence, and I don’t see the point of non-existence.

To be born must be an ancient joke by a God who couldn’t stand their own solitude anymore.