Afternoon Metro Jam

Sitting in a crowded train

I barely find space on my lap to put my laptop on

It doesn’t matter what is being spoken

All the voices, the noises, the eyes rolling around

All the thoughts and emotions and other consciousnesses

They’re all the same wonderful thing

Nothing to extract from those voices and thoughts

except more wonderful repetitions of nothingness

All over the earth

The people I run into

Show me love

Occasionally hate or poisonous envy

But rarely indifference unless they are cowards or insane

When I see hatred
Towards me or anything
When I see wrongdoings
It fills me with sadness and vengeance

My heart is my holiness and divinity
My heart is the house of God
I am nothing but void without it
My heart drives me to every action

But I am forced to build an invisible wall around it when it aches
And wait for it to forgive the insults
Wait for it to heal

To accept the pitiful flaws of human is to be human
To forgive them is divine

I get exhausted of roaming around

Living outside of me taxes my mind and heart

I know I am amongst friends

But the patches and bruises on my heart make me hesitant to trust

As do theirs if they aren’t fools

For only the fool gets to die a thousand times and not even realize it

When anyone mistreats nature, we all lose

It’s a self-sabotage no matter what

There are only losers in battles and wars

There is no evil except what we dare to do to one another

Hate, ignorance, segmentation, abuse, addiction and lust

All of it marketed, glorified, justified and honored

All for nothing

All towards nothing

The void expands

Sometimes a doubt sprouts from those bad memories and flowers nervousness

It disturbs my tranquility and makes me invisible, disappearing from sight and memory

An insignificance

A pretense

Not to be taken seriously but ignored

To forget and learn anew takes a long time, but it’s the only redemption

is a sacred art of balancing

It is the art of balancing my Ki

To give that fire a good swirl gracefully

It is not a primitive act but a mastery of magic

The Magus must be very careful with this

To make that sacrifice is what the devil seduced the fallen angel with
To sleep with the devil
As a promise that their unity would create an equal godliness for the angel
But she betrayed the promise
Their combination was to be Yin and Yang
From that mixture she separated the genders
birthed her daughters
Seeded them with fragments of fallen angel’s essence
and created the void

And what the devil uses to shackle their offsprings into her dominion now

Her slaves are without any divine essence
They are only to prolong the curse of earthly repetition
By meaningless creation and reproduction
A degrading spiral that goes nowhere
The devil is the mother of void and darkness

Vitality sacrificed in exchange for creation or a transient pleasure

Careful now

But I seem to look like some alien to them
They see me as beautiful or ridiculous?
In every way perhaps
Ridiculously hot?
Ridiculously handsome?
I know the dirty minds and the horny vibes

They’ve never seen a guy like me
Which stereotype can I fit into?
How can they define me as some known factor
How can they trust me
They don’t know what to do or say
They look, get nervous and look away

All those poking eyes
exhaust me
And I look away onto the ground
or the sky
or into the void

I see it in their eyes

That they want me to help them

And they want to help me

For love has no meaning anymore

Beyond whatever the dirty minds
or the families
or the traditions and religions
define it to be

I look at the girls and think of initiating something

But I can see it in them just like I see it in others

Numbed out to the core

Another one lost in the limbo

Crawling in the dirt

Day in day out

Just to survive

I look at the girls half shying

Almost longing for a connection

The routine has left no space for imagination

The routine-made zombies

The routine of everything is in order

The routine of meaningful progress and purpose and productivity

The routine of importance and established hierarchies

So why take a chance on a stranger

Life is full of empty

Life is the creation of the void

Life is the definition of the void

Life is the 0 and death is 1

That gift of life that mama gave you

A result of successful sacrifice by the father

Through the ritual of sex

The ritual to worship death

To sacrifice millions of beams of light and fire

To the mother of void

Has sprouted you anew

Another 0 in the bag

The only angel you’ll have no choice but accept

For your mortality is science

And the existence of death the only certainty

Waiting for the angel of death to come say hello

The safety net is to follow a script

and you shall be rewarded with tokens

tokens to act as a God to lesser beings

tokens to act as the angel of death

to eat the living with no care

to

For as long as possible

Just to “enjoy”

For as long as possible

To extract as much pleasure from it as possible

Oh how wonderful is this world of worms

We’re one gigantic family formed of billions of strangers

The script says to join the dark side

and be one with the abyss

That is what grownups do to each other

For the abyss swallows them one by one

To form the whole

It’s the abyss

It wants to sucks you in

And you let it happen unknowingly

Laughingly

Because it’s lonely out there unless you join

I stare at it

I stare into it

There is no meaning to it all

The abyss looks back at me in public

Discretely examining my differences

In cafes and on the streets

It watches me carefully

It often disturbs my privacy

It disrespects me in whispers

Sometimes it tries to provoke me into some action

Some play

Some game

The abyss wants me to join it

because it wants to join me

it wants to rape me

it wants to tear apart what beauty it may find in me

it wants to devour me

it wants to love me

For it cannot differentiate light from darkness

It cannot tell what is black and what is white

Its world is upside down

Its rationality is inverted

smile

for I see what’s behind those eyes

I tell it that it’s all right

that it isn’t their fault

and look away

If you care or don’t

If you fit in or don’t

If you try to or don’t

It all adds up to nothing

The abyss unites under one thing

Ignorance

Just more fucking and more reproduction

More kids and more screams and more abuse

More damned nothingness

More damned deceptions, lies, lust and destruction

More darkness and void to spread

It adds to nothing

Because its roots are from nothing

It is 0s stacking up

It is 0s adding up

They sum to 0

They subtract to 0

There is no difference

In infinite 0s

And the depressing truth

Of families

And families

And more families

Sugar-coated as love

Sugar-coated as divinity

Religions without essence

Religions without God

Religions doing business

eating shit

not realizing it

because it tastes like honey to them

and they are blinded by so much

that they don’t see it

or smell it

A flavor

The masses are empty

The emptiness is empty

You’ll realize

That you shouldn’t try

ever

to fit into any perception but that of your own

lonely

existence

Most beautiful women

Sit around

staring at their screens

Making eye contact for a sub second

A sub second of a dream

Left on this earth by Gods that abandoned us

By Gods that lost their way

They dream of a filled cup

But it is all the same

Empty

Cup

in the end

Saints come and go

Whatever is built is to be destroyed

Whatever rises falls

Whatever dawns dusks

Dust to dust

Justice is injustice

0 is 1 as 1 is 0

of order within chaos

or chaos within order

the equal inequalities

the polarity within duality

the combination and extraction of these 2 forces

the system that defines 0 + 1 = 3

It is none but left left left down left

Thinking you have a purpose

Thinking life is meaningful

Life is only meaningful Because death brings the absolute end

End of everything you are End of everything you’ve known End of everything you’ve been

Death is the true angel that rules the earth

And hence Lucifer whips Lucifer cries for their redemption of this lonely planet This lonely planet full of worms

Waiting to devour us Waiting to shit us out as compost as stench as worm juice

and as nothingnes

Really expressive or none at all

Really powerful or none at all

It means none It is none It’s been none

Truly yours I cry from the abyss

Truly yours I say to the abyss

Now let me be your boyfriend My dearest queen of empty vessels Let me make love to you and deposit the seeds of life into you so the curse can go on so the next 7 or 13 or 31 or 144 may come and go again again over and over

Until they finally learn the lesson To give up To stop To reach the point Of nobody left but the one the only one the last one on earth

who will whip for him but himself

who will know him but himself

For that day to come I whip in silence in loneliness in solitude

and watch the cuties go and grow and fuck and repeat the same repetition for they’re none but ignorant 0s thinking themselves a 10

a 10 in the absolute 0-based system